As someone who studies relationships and interpersonal dynamics, there is one question that people ask me all the time. Can you re-attract someone who lost interest?
Yes, you can re-attract someone who lost interest if you remove the behavior that caused them to lose attraction for you, along with improving the interactions you have with that person. Often, the cause of a loss of attraction or interest is an unearned and overly eager expression of desire and need.
The wonderful and scary nature of emotions is that they are always susceptible to change. To some degree, we get to choose how we feel by choosing to behave in a specific manner and adopting a specific type of mindset.
Someone who believes that they are not in the right headspace for a relationship and behaves accordingly will prevent themselves from falling in love or having a healthy relationship.
So, as much as you can re-attract someone, it also boils down to whether they choose to change their mind about you or about their ability to fall in love.
Be that as it may, I would like to share some ideas that I have been working on that help to maintain, grow, or rebuild romantic attraction. I’ve observed both men and women and their behavior in courtship to single out these ideas that work.
I’ll try to present these ideas in some detail, even though they are best presented broadly. I noticed that people have an inclination towards the idea that attachment styles affect the way they court someone.
Honestly, it does, but on a really small level.
There are some base level behaviors that have contributed the most to the development and growth of attraction and interest. If you get these right, it doesn’t matter what attachment style the other person has.
As long as they have some degree of physical attraction to you, these ideas will work.
You need to read this article: Why do guys like you when you stop liking them?
Idea 1: Secure people allow others to choose them
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Observe someone who has security, and you will notice a few things.
- They exude confidence.
- They express desire without neediness.
- They react to rejection with grace.
- They are deeply compassionate toward others and themselves.
All of these attributes or behaviors are considered attractive to people. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man; confidence, charm, grace, and compassion are coveted attributes in a partner.
Due to the rise of social media, people are overloaded with the expression of every emotion. Men and women alike spew their guts online without considering the repercussions. The more you engage in this uncontrolled expression of insecure emotions, the harder it becomes to be selective about what you choose to say and show to others.
It becomes compulsive, and then you have people who are constantly referencing how hard it is to find love, how unattractive they feel, how they constantly deal with rejection, and how misunderstood they are.
Let’s be honest, when have you ever felt like someone who repeatedly held and expressed these negative beliefs was attractive and fun to be around?
When two magnets have the same charge, they repel each other.
Neediness and desperation have a similar effect on people. We all feel these emotions from time to time. We don’t really like it. Most of us cringe at our own desperation and neediness. The whole essence of these emotions stems from the desire to have a different outcome. We’re desperate to change our circumstances to avoid these feelings.
Someone who exudes the same behavior and emotions is repulsive to us for this reason. Why would we gravitate towards something we desperately want to distance ourselves from?
The implication of desperation is that you lack value.
To some degree, a value exchange exists in every type of relationship.
So, by simply gaining mastery over your emotions and controlling the way you express them, you can project value and prevent the decimation of your perceived value.
The natural assumption is that you will chase or desperately need the person who lost interest in you.
They expect this because they feel the same emotions when challenged with rejection, and they observe this in real life or on social media.
By not chasing and by inhabiting the version of yourself who is secure about himself or herself, you would be acting in a manner that is considered attractive.
Would you agree that any behavior that isn’t deemed unattractive or unobservable has to be considered attractive?
If chasing, begging, pleading, and other desperate behavior is considered unattractive, then allowing someone to choose you by letting them go would be attractive!
You need to read this article: How to accept rejection
Idea 2: Effort is dependent on reciprocity
The popular notion is that relationships take hard work. To some degree, I agree. I feel like people who work hard to be the best versions of themselves have the best relationships.
But, if we’re really honest with ourselves, relationships can be easy.
When two people are committed to the process of understanding and loving each other, it’s very easy to show up.
The work involved feels easy because you enjoy the process of cultivating a healthy and passionate relationship.
It’s like a good friendship.
When there’s good chemistry, honesty, loyalty, and a mutual desire to be around each other, it flows smoothly.
If you have to put in an ungodly amount of effort just to keep someone interested in you, then that person may not be the right candidate for the position of romantic partner in your life.
When your effort is met with similar effort, then you have a solid foundation to work with.
If that isn’t the case, you have to be willing to drop your effort all the way down to almost nothing.
Don’t give away the best parts of yourself to someone who doesn’t deem them valuable.
It is our responsibility to measure the degree of appreciation and acknowledgement for our effort and then adjust it accordingly.
If you’re uncertain of what that looks like, I’ll explain because I know that it can be confusing.
You should match and mirror each other’s interests.
If you make an effort to text someone within an hour of receiving a text from them, on average, you should expect the same kind of effort back from someone who is interested in you.
If they are taking an entire day to reply to you, then clearly, you’re not as important to them as they are to you.
In that case, text them with the same cadence.
If they begin to text you more frequently and faster, match them.
This is a great way to re-attract someone who lost interest because you’ll be able to measure their growing interest based on effort.
You need to read this article: How to act around your ex who dumped you
Idea 3: Self-respect inspires respect from others
If there’s only one thing that you take away from this article, please let it be this: If respect doesn’t exist, love will not persist.
A precursor to romantic love is respect.
Even a toxic person can garner respect if they act with confidence, mental fortitude, and strength.
Believe me when I tell you that the majority of people who are inexperienced in this romantic department would still be successful if they possessed a strong degree of self respect.
A man or woman with self respect isn’t going to demean themselves for the approval or affection of someone else.
They will honor themselves and maintain a great degree of dignity, even in the pursuit of someone.
This will prevent them from being in the position of begging, pleading, or negotiating with someone who has lost interest.
When someone shows self-respect, it inspires feelings of admiration.
That can heavily influence whether they feel attracted to you again or not.
You need to read this article: What makes a man obsessed with a woman?
If you really want to become the most interesting and attractive version of yourself, it is imperative that you study the three ideas discussed above and implement them into your lifestyle.
Find ways to develop more self-respect and give people an opportunity to miss you.
If you walk around with a need for love, you’ll often push away those who are looking for love as well.
Instead, try to find happiness and contentment within yourself. There’s love all around you, and if you can tap into those things, you’ll realize that you have love within yourself to give to the world.
Watch how people gravitate towards you when what you have to offer is love.
I’ve seen both men and women, with absolutely nothing to their name, be chased and coveted by great people because they emanate love.
They aren’t attached to the idea of having someone, and this allows them to behave in a highly attractive manner.
Rather than shell up and resign themselves to a cave, they walk around with an abundance of love to share with others. There’s no expectation for it to be returned, and people absolutely love this. So much so that they end up receiving love and adoration from most people who come into contact with them.
With that being said, that brings us to the end of this article on can you re-attract someone who lost interest. I hope you found it insightful and helpful. If you would like to work directly with me, check out my services page for information on my email consultation package. Alternatively, check out my ebook on how to get your ex back by clicking here.