All breakups feel like the world is crashing around you. You’re in survival mode and all you can think about is losing the person you love. A common question I get is this – Can a man come back to you? Well, here’s what you need to know.
A man can come back to you if he still has unresolved feelings for you in the form of attraction, love and/or interest. Circumstances like relationship status, prior history, fidelity and availability all influence whether a man will come back to you or not.
The question you should be asking yourself is this, does he have a strong enough reason to come back to you?
We can only hope that he does but you need to be realistic and honest with yourself.
- Has he left you for any reason that is beyond reconcilable?
- Has he met someone else?
- Did you cheat on him?
- Were you incompatible altogether?
- Was he in love with you at any point?
These are the kind of questions you need to be answering to get a good idea of whether or not he will come back to you.
As long as there wasn’t any major betrayal or abuse, he’ll most likely be back, provided that he hasn’t met and married someone else.
Even then, there’s no guarantee that his relationship will work out forever.
But, does that mean you should put your life on hold?
I don’t think so.
In fact, if he actually cares about you, he wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold for him, especially if he intends on moving on.
What he would want is for you to be happy.
So, your priority needs to be self-love.
What can you do to accept this breakup and heal from it?
When it comes to your healing, it is immaterial whether you caused the breakup or not.
There will be a time for you to address your role in sabotaging the relationship. But, you also have to dedicate a lot of time to healing from this loss.
You deserve to heal and grow as a person.
Nobody benefits from you punishing yourself indefinitely.
Channel these emotions towards self-development and recovery so that the people in your life, your future partner and you, can feel blessed to know you.
On the off chance that your ex comes back, he is going to be blown away by the person you have become.
If that isn’t a surefire way of improving your chances of getting him back, I don’t know what will!
Here’s a list of things you can do to become the best version of yourself to get him back.
- Heal past traumas.
- Seek out counseling to heal commitment issues.
- Improve your physical appearance.
- Improve the manner in which you spend your time.
- Surround yourself with better people.
- Journal your thoughts and feelings.
- Date when you feel ready.
- Read books and watch videos on being more likable, social and authentic.
- Connect with a higher power and improve your code of ethics.
- Abandon insecure behaviors and be compassionate to yourself.
Ironically, the things you need to do in order to re-attract a man are the very same things you would do to heal from a breakup and move on from him.
There’s a reason for that.
When people accept the loss and find security within themselves, they rediscover their identity.
In other words, they go back to or become a better version of themselves.
When your ex stumbles upon this version of you, he’s going to be taken aback.
You’re going to be in the same state that attracted him in the first place or an even better state of mind.
This is why I encourage most men and women who contact me for advice on getting an ex back to focus on rediscovering their identity.
They’ll be forced to do things that help them move on from the breakup which will actually improve the likelihood that they get their ex back in the future.
It’s truly amazing.
Okay, so, now that you have an idea of what you need to do for yourself to heal and move on from the breakup, let’s talk about what you have to do in order to ensure he actually wants to come back to you.
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How To Get Your Ex To Come Back To You
Don’t throw yourself at him
Desperation is never attractive and it disturbs the natural power balance between two people. Often, people get angry when I bring up his idea of power within a relationship. But, in reality, a power dynamic exists within every single relationship, whether we like to admit it or not.
By chasing a man who walked away, you are giving him complete power over what happens.
There should always be natural consequences or reactions to every decision in life.
When a man walks away, the natural consequence is that you allow him to walk away and you move on with your life as well, even if that means finding someone else.
Without that consequence, he has nothing to fear and he has all the power over what happens from this point onwards.
He could string you along for years and waste your life because you have given him the power to do so.
For this reason, do not throw yourself at him.
It’s okay to state you desire to reconcile and to work on things but that’s where it ends.
Related post: Should you be chasing after an ex?
Initiate no contact
No contact is a crucial step in letting go of someone and moving on. It also forms part of the natural consequence of a breakup.
By ending all contact, he will be forced to experience the effects of the breakup even though he initiated it.
He will have to entertain the possibility that you will also walk away and never look back.
No contact will also prevent you from saying or doing something that completely ruins your chances of re-attracting him.
Related post: Should I double text my ex?
Invest all your time and effort into healing
When examining reconciliation, it always stands out to me that the person who was dumped visibly looks better and happier by the time they run into their ex.
They’re giving off the right energy, demeanor and vibes to come across as attractive again to the guy who left.
But, I think the best part about healing is the effect it has on your identity.
Your attitude shifts away from being the victim of a breakup and you rediscover the power that exists within you.
The positive actions you take towards improving your life add to that power.
Related post: How long does it take to get over a breakup
Let him contact you for a second chance
Do not buy into the idea of contacting your ex after 30 days of no contact thinking that this will be the perfect time to get him back.
You should walk away and mean it because that’s the only bargaining position available to you.
It’s difficult to get friend-zoned or used by an ex for attention if you aren’t the one contacting them.
If they want a second chance, believe me, they’ll make it known.
Even if you get a new number, your ex will find a way to track you down and try to reconcile if he genuinely wants to get back together.
You can’t get rejected again if you aren’t the one contacting the ex who dumped you to reconcile.
Related post: Can you get your avoidant ex back?
Before you leave this article, I want to emphasize the importance of doing what’s right for you. Granted, it’s difficult to lose someone who you love. I would never minimize the impact of such a loss, even to a breakup.
But, is being with this person resulting in the loss of your own identity and happiness?
Perhaps, letting go is the way in which you move forward and build a life that you deserve. A life of happiness, purpose, peace and love.
I wish that for you.
I really do.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on, whether or not a man can come back to you, to be a source of comfort, clarity and insight. If you would have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.