After a breakup or rejection, I can absolutely relate to anyone who experiences anxiety about being single.
What I’ve learned about being single is that the anxiety of it is much more painful and bothersome than being single itself.
In fact, I would actually go so far as to say that being single can be a blessing if you have the correct mindset.
You see, most of us enter relationships because we are deathly afraid of being single or alone.
Why is that the case?
Why are some people absolutely content with being single whereas the rest of us are deathly afraid of it?
The only conclusion that makes sense is that we are afraid of facing ourselves.
This is a huge problem because the most important relationship to work on in your whole life is the one you have with yourself, other than your spiritual relationship.
I watched a video recently by Ed Mylett which I will link here and he said something incredibly profound. “No matter where you go in your life, you have to bring you with you. So, if you can’t be happy without all these things you want, you will still struggle to be happy even when you get them.“
If you truly examine why a significant portion of relationships fail, it’s because the people within them fail themselves. They don’t put in the work to heal their own traumas and insecurities.
They don’t give their relationship a fair chance to succeed because they never took the time to develop a healthier and loving relationship with themselves.
The way I look at this problem is like this, the anxiety about being single simply illustrates a need to work on yourself.
Your soul desperately needs your love but you’re too afraid to face yourself because you’re too critical, too ashamed and too hurt by yourself.
When you shouldn’t be single is when you’re perfectly happy to be single.
That’s when you’re truly prepared and ready to share yourself with someone else.
Until then, the anxiety you feel right now isn’t something you should run away from.
You should run towards it because to me, this is an opportunity for you to overcome your inner demons to be victorious over yourself.
By saying all this, I’m simply trying to illustrate how you are not a victim to this anxiety or change in relationship status.
Being single is not a curse! It can be a blessing.
So, the most important thing you can do to deal with the anxiety about being single is to change the narrative in your mind.
Take the bull by the horns and embrace being single as a blessing.
This will be a time for you to focus on growing as a human being. All the love you have within yourself that was being channeled to someone else can now be directed inwardly.
Be loving to yourself now and use this as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself.
With that being said, I’d like to share a few coping mechanisms I used at first to deal with anxiety about being single.
Related post: How to stop thinking about your ex
1. Surrender to your emotions
Throughout my life, I have struggled to deal with my emotions.
I have been known to over express or to escape.
My primary goal is always to get away from these feelings or to change them because they make me feel so uncomfortable.
Anxiety is no different.
When a situation occurs in my life that causes my anxiety, I would normally enter an obsessive state.
I would fixate on the cause of my anxiety and constantly try to change things to find some relief.
Expectedly, this resulted in a lot of drama and pain because some things cannot be changed or controlled.
Through desperate research, I stumbled on a book called Letting Go by David R. Hawkins and it changed my life.
More often than not, we try to change our thoughts to change our feelings.
But, that seems like an impossible task given that we have approximately 60 thousand thoughts in a day.
Instead, the author suggests that we surrender to our feelings to change our anxious, depressed or self-limiting thoughts.
By letting go of the feelings that create these thought patterns, we remove the obsess and catastrophize.
In doing so, these thoughts lose the impact they have on us which allows them to fade into the background until it stops controlling our lives.
To let go is to surrender.
This means that when you feel anxiety, you are to not judge the feeling.
Allow yourself to sit with the emotion. Be okay with being anxious.
Let it be and you’ll notice that by not resisting the feeling, it begins to run out faster than it ordinarily would.
By all means, challenge your thoughts but allow yourself to feel the anxiety.
When you realize that it does not define you, that it passes and that you will be okay despite the fear you experience, the anxiety about being single lessens.
Since discovering this book, I’ve gained the ability to process my emotions instead of letting them control me.
I’m able to be by myself and enjoy my own company. I’m healing old trauma and being honest with myself.
Related post: Will I be single forever?
2. Live a life of meaning
Trust me when I tell you that the only time in my life when I’ve experienced any true feelings of peace is when I’m of service to others.
Whether I’m being loving or caring to my friends and family or being of help to colleagues or strangers who need assistance, doing acts of kindness brings about a sense of peace and meaning to life.
Too many of us are in a materialistic race.
We start defining success according to the sum total of material items in our possession or the digits reflecting on our bank account.
And yet, we are probably the most depressed population in history.
Think about that for a second!
We have amenities that the royalty of the past didn’t even possess and yet we are so depressed.
I’d like to believe a part of that is because we don’t shift our focus towards living a life of meaning and purpose instead of what the majority of people are doing.
Serving people around me has made me so much more empathetic and compassionate towards others and towards myself.
You start to realize how being single can be viewed as a luxury. Compared to the problems others are facing, this is far from a death sentence.
And that perspective change can greatly diminish anxiety about being single.
Additionally, living a life of meaning that is designed around serving others in some way or another enforces your ability to make an impact on the lives of others around you as a single person.
It shows you that despite being single, you are of value.
Related post: How to be single and happy
3. Find other single people to connect with
The idea of being single is scary to us because we don’t want to be alone.
We’re afraid that we will be isolated and struggling whilst everyone else is moving forward in life with their partners.
But, that is untrue.
It’s our anxiety messing with our perception of people and the world.
You’re not actually alone, you’re with yourself.
This ties into the message I shared with you earlier in this article.
Beyond that, you’re sharing a journey that everyone else has experienced and a lot of people are experiencing right now along with you.
Nobody is born in a romantic relationship!
Think about this, up until you started dating, you were single. If being single was so catastrophic to your life, you shouldn’t have made it to this point.
Be that as it may, the reason why I advise you to be around others who are single is because it creates a sense of solidarity.
You’ll find comfort in each other but you’ll also inspire each other to keep living life.
There are a lot of single people who are absolutely thriving.
They are happy, content and successful in life.
For them, being single is now a choice because they went through the difficult transition of losing a relationship or getting rejected and they managed to build a life for themselves regardless of that status.
Being exposed to the mindset and high energy of these people will rub off on you.
Keep this in mind, you can become the sum total of the 5 closest people in your life. I don’t know how accurate that statement is but I know with certainty that the people in our life influence the way we think and show up.
Surround yourself with people who are thriving despite being single and you will start to adopt a similar mindset that helped them to reach that point.
Related post: How to feel happy again
Practical tips to easy the anxiety about being single
Apart from the paradigm shift that I’ve been pushing in this article, there are other small things you can do on a daily basis to improve your state of being.
I believe rituals and habits can either be of service to you or a disservice.
Laying around all day chasing after your ex, trying to find other people, swiping on dating apps and drowning in distractions will not serve you in any way.
Instead, healthy rituals and habits can improve your mental fortitude, physical body, knowledge base and emotional well being.
Here are a few things you can do on a daily basis to cope with the anxiety about being single.
- Start an exercise program.
- Eat healthier and cleaner.
- Start meditating for 10 minutes every morning.
- Detox from dating apps and social media for some time every day.
- Do something kind and generous for someone around you.
- Start journaling or goal setting.
- Do something kind for yourself every day.
- Pray for 5 minutes in the morning or night.
- Recite a gratitude mantra every day.
- Go outside for a walk and experience nature for it’s soothing effects.
- Speak to someone who has your best interest in heart.
- Go have a shower or soak in a bath.
- Read a fictional novel.
- Study self development content.
Don’t just pick one thing and expect to feel amazing. Sometimes, you have to do everything on this list to truly calm yourself down.
But, if you do these things every single day, not only are you going to gain some control over your anxiety about being single but it’s going to change your life.
You’re going to see improvements in your mind, body and spirit as the weeks and months go by.
This is going to affect your romantic, family, professional and personal life in more ways than you can imagine.
It all starts with these small but significant habits and rituals.
Make a decision to take control of your life and do everything in your power to enjoy this gift that we call life.
Lastly and very importantly, go for therapy. If you are struggling and need the help, please make the effort to seek out good counsel.
It can be a game changer!
Related post: Why being single is good for you
I promise you that the anxiety about being single will not be more than you can handle. I give you my word. This is not a life or death problem. It can actually be a blessing that eventually leads you towards the best version of yourself and your life.
Be gentle with yourself. You have been through a lot and it’s okay to give yourself forgiveness, kindness and love.
Be the partner that you desperately want in your life right now.
Develop a relationship with yourself and grow as a person.
With that being said, I hope this article on the anxiety about being single was comforting and a source of solace for you. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this article for you because it offered me a sense of comfort during a very difficult time in my life right now. You’re not actually alone and I hope that you feel better.