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7 Tips On How To Lead In A Relationship

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how to lead in a relationship

Leading in a relationship doesn’t mean controlling or dominating but guiding, supporting, and proactively creating a healthy, balanced partnership. Unfortunately, the idea of leadership in relationships has gotten a bad rap ever since the rise of the red pill ideology.

I think we must separate the idea of leadership from men who conform to that ideology because the concept of leadership predates it. Instead, we ought to be looking at leadership as a role that flows between partners depending on different areas of life and a romantic relationship.

If both parties to a relationship understood when and how it would be helpful for them to lead and they did so in a respectful, sincere manner, they could exist in harmony and in love.

Here are some principles to help you lead effectively in a relationship:

Tips On Leading In A Romantic Relationship

ways to lead in a relationship

1. Communication

Speak respectfully: Leadership in relationships starts with understanding. Listen to your partner’s needs, concerns, and desires. Once you’ve done that, communicate with compassion and conviction. 

The idea of barking instructions at your partner is a stupid, ridiculous, and borderline abusive method of communication, let alone leadership.

Good communication focuses on providing motivation and guidance on what to do along with the benefits of taking action accordingly. It’s not patronizing, nor is it meant to undermine each other. Most importantly, it requires an exercise of patience during conflict or misunderstandings.

Be Honest: Set the tone for openness and honesty. Communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly.

Most people are willing to trust another when they observe vulnerability and sincerity from the individual trying to lead.

If you can express yourself without fear of judgment and explain your thought process or feelings for wanting to approach a situation in a specific manner, I’m certain your partner would be far more willing to support you.

2. Take Responsibility

Own Your Actions: Lead by example by taking responsibility for your actions—good and bad. You’re not supposed to keep track of each other’s mistakes in a relationship. That is ridiculous and it tells me that you are both being vindictive out of a hunger for power.

Leadership requires you to take ownership of yourself and the decisions you facilitate in the relationship.

If your partner trusts that you aren’t going to avoid responsibility, they’ll be more inclined to trust your leadership and less likely to criticize you at every turn.

Solve Problems Together: Instead of assigning blame, work together to resolve issues. Leadership doesn’t necessitate singular problem-solving or decision-making. 

In reality, leadership could take the form of collaboration and cooperation with each other.

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It could just be showing initiative to resolve a problem or achieve something together.

3. Provide Emotional Support

Be Empathetic: Recognize when your partner needs emotional support and be there for them. Good leadership pays attention to the needs of others and is willing to prioritize others when necessary.

In saying that, just because it’s easy to solve problems doesn’t mean it’s the best course of action.

There will be times when what your partner needs is emotional support and a pillar of empathetic strength while they figure out how to resolve their problems. 

Encourage Growth: Support your partner in their personal goals and self-improvement. Don’t hinder such growth because of insecurity and fear.

Understand that for a relationship to thrive, you must support each other’s identities. 

A good leader recognizes when it’s time to prioritize the goals of an individual partner because it will help them grow and, as a result of that, benefit the relationship as a whole.

4. Set the Tone for Respect

Mutual Respect: Leadership involves treating your partner with respect and demanding the same in return.

In my opinion, respect matters most when it is the hardest to express. Meaning, during times of conflict, disagreement, annoyance, or frustration, exercising compassion and respect creates a precedent for how to behave with each other.

A self-aware and humble partner will be motivated by such a display of respect and will be inclined to behave similarly when the roles are reversed.

Boundaries: Lead by maintaining healthy boundaries and ensuring that your partner feels safe to express themselves.

I’ve written about how to love with boundaries in a relationship. I encourage you to read that article if you are known for being a people-pleaser, a chronically nice person, or you battle with low self-esteem.

Boundaries, in my opinion, are loving agreements that prioritize and safeguard the sanctity of each other and your relationship.

5. Be Decisive but Considerate

Make Decisions Together: Being a leader doesn’t mean making all the decisions alone. Instead, facilitate decision-making by considering both perspectives.

Open the floor to ideas, validate your partner’s opinions, and be humble enough to explain your thought process.

Oftentimes, helping your partner understand your rationale mitigates most misunderstandings in times of conflict or uncertainty.

Also, making decisions together tends to strengthen the bond in a relationship and encourages teamwork, which is an essential skill for a long-term marriage.

Stay Calm in Conflict: During conflict, stay composed and work toward a solution instead of escalating tensions.

6. Vision and Direction

Plan for the Future: Show leadership by thinking about the long-term future of the relationship and discussing mutual goals (e.g., financial planning and life decisions).

Generally, people are happier, calmer, and closer when they have goals.

Have a conversation with your partner about financial, personal, and family goals as a couple, and try to find ideas that excite both of you.

Then, be the first one to initiate a step towards the realization of these goals.

Once momentum sets in, you and your partner will be tied to the hip chasing after growth, success, and contentment as a unit.

Stay Consistent: A leader provides consistency, keeping promises and maintaining stability.

7. Empower Your Partner

Support Their Independence: Great leadership in relationships empowers your partner to be independent and confident.

What mitigates feelings of anxiety and depression is competency.

People who feel powerful and capable have a growth mindset and an attack mindset when it comes to problems.

Encourage your partner to face their fears or to grow in competency without fear of them leaving you or outgrowing the relationship.

You may have your insecurities and fears, but that shouldn’t influence your desire to be a loving and supportive partner.

Value Their Input: Always value and appreciate your partner’s input in decision-making and the direction of the relationship.

Leadership in relationships is more about collaboration, support, and mutual respect than dominance or control.

It’s about being someone your partner can trust, rely on, and grow with.

None of us are infallible, and there will be times when your leadership will be flawed. Be humble and gracious enough to accept guidance from your partner as well.

A good leader isn’t immune to guidance and knowledge.

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