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5 Reasons Why People Choose Bad Spouses

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reasons why people settle for bad spouses

Most of us assume that once we find a spouse, our days of loneliness, drama, and heartache will end. There’s a natural assumption that our marriages will thrive until the end of our time on this planet. In some cases, that’s what happens, barring a few issues along the way. In other cases, we end up in marriages that destroy our lives. Often, people wonder why and how they missed all the red flags! So in today’s article, I plan on shedding some light on why people choose bad spouses.

The reason why I want to talk about this sensitive topic is because I see many innocent children grow up in troubled or broken homes, and it’s unfair.

Some people are just not cut out to be spouses, let alone parents!

I know that I’m making a controversial statement, but I believe it to be true. If more people could avoid choosing bad spouses, I think we could help prevent future generations from suffering because of bad marriages.

If you’re single and reading this article right now, please remain open minded and have an honest conversation with yourself about the primary emotion that is driving your decisions during your search for love.

Believe me when I tell you that if you’re not seeking love with the correct mindset and emotions, you’re taking a big risk of inviting the wrong type of person into your life.

Related article: 12 Traits of a long-lasting marriage

Why Do People Choose Bad Partners?

why people choose bad partners

1. Naivety

You can’t spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing without knowing what to look out for. I grew up quite sheltered with a large family that placed a strong emphasis on good values. I was taught not to cut corners, to be honest and accountable (especially when you do something wrong), and to be God-conscious at all times.

I assumed that everyone had the same upbringing, but I was wrong.

My naivety eventually ended when I repeatedly crossed paths with people who were selfish, deceitful, and harmful.

Naivety is why people choose bad spouses because we fall in love with pretty faces, sweet words, and innocent smiles while ignoring red flags or warning signs.

Experience and wisdom will teach you to observe and read people more accurately, without swaying your opinion with personal biases and feelings.

There are some occasions when we are aware of red flags or issues but naively believe that we can change people.

We can’t.

People only change if they want to, and a lot of people are not willing to go through long-term work and discomfort to purge the issues within themselves.

If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out! 

You don’t have to date around to overcome naivety.

Instead, you need good standards of morality and a willingness to walk away from those who do not meet those standards.

2. Desperation

Living in a place with a small population makes it difficult to find potential spouses.

Coupled with age, cultural norms, and a string of failed attempts at finding love, desperation may set in.

People who are desperate aren’t thinking clearly or critically.

Overwhelmed by emotion, they may project whatever they want onto a person without actually understanding deeply and truly who they are marrying.

Sometimes children from broken or toxic homes grow up to associate abusive or toxic behavior with love.

They feel wanted and desired when their spouse is constantly fighting with them or being overly controlling.

It makes them feel like their partner actually cares about them, but this stems from deep insecurity or a lack of love during pivotal moments in their upbringing.

3. Loneliness

Despite social media, people are lonely.

It’s hard to find real-life connections that are genuine and true because a lot of people are glued to their phones and their online personas.

Throw in the fear of rejection and judgment as well, because that’s a common phenomenon among those of us who are single.

Loneliness is so uncomfortable to feel, and people who are alone tend to overlook many bad attributes in someone for a chance at companionship.

Related article: 8 Reasons why people stay in bad marriages

4. Lust

Whether it be lust for physical beauty or financial wellbeing, marrying out of pure desire isn’t a recipe for a long-lasting marriage.

Many couples in long-term marriages will attest to this.

You need to genuinely respect, trust, and adore the person you’re marrying for who they are.

By all means, be attracted to these other things, but don’t select a spouse based primarily on your lust for sex or wealth.

If you do, over time, normalization will take place, and all the red flags you overlooked will become glaringly obvious in the marriage.

That’s when you end up trapped with a bad spouse who you don’t even like anymore.

5. Codependency Issues

Am I wrong in believing that all of us enjoy the feeling of being wanted?

Desire provides validation and makes us feel attractive.

But there’s a fine line between wanting and needing.

People who are codependent either need someone or need to be relied on by someone.

It just so happens that troubled individuals often need others to take care of them.

So they sign themselves up for a marriage with people who have unresolved abandonment issues, paranoia, addictions, and trauma.

This need to be a fixer is one of the less talked-about reasons why people choose bad spouses, but it happens more often than you’d expect.

Unless codependency is addressed, they will continue to attract and enter the same type of relationships.

That concludes this article on the reasons why people choose bad spouses. My advice is to always improve yourself. Through self-development, we gain a deeper respect for ourselves, and this helps us to improve our standards for relationships so that we avoid bad spouses and bad marriages.

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