Divorce is a complex and deeply personal matter, but certain habits or behaviors can increase strain on a marriage, leading to its breakdown. I feel like it’s one of my missions in life to help couples cultivate a happy marriage that lasts a lifetime.
So many people are struggling with loneliness in a marriage and without a marriage. Social media expectations and poor advice don’t help with this loneliness epidemic.
Thankfully, it’s not all doom and gloom. Your marriage may be rough, but that doesn’t mean you have to quit. There have been many couples who have overcome bad habits and built relationships that are written about in romantic novels! It takes work and a lot of compassion, but it can be done.
Certain habits lead to divorce, and if we can minimize or eradicate them from your marriage, we can give you and your partner the best chance at remaining happily married.
Here are common habits that may contribute to divorce:
A. Lack of Communication
1. Avoiding tough conversations: Failing to address issues leads to misunderstandings and unresolved conflict. The further you run away from fear, the harder it is to overcome. Couples who learn how to communicate about difficulties while holding onto their vows tend to survive hardship until they thrive.
2. Stonewalling: People who weaponize silence against their spouse have a horrible habit of deflecting responsibility or accountability. Ignoring or shutting down during discussions alienates your partner. Stonewalling is not the same as exercising silence when your partner is violating your boundaries. The difference is subtle but significant, and if you are honest with yourself, you’d know if you’re using silence as a weapon.
3. Constant criticism or negativity: Demeaning language can erode emotional intimacy. It may seem insignificant, but when criticism and harshness begin to outweigh positive affirmations, affectionate language, and appreciation, resentment sets in and infects the core of your connection. If it’s easy for you to critique your spouse but hard for you to compliment them, you might have a bad habit.
B. Neglecting Emotional Connection
4. Taking your partner for granted: Failing to express gratitude or affection creates emotional distance. This is a mindset or attitude issue that stems from complacency and unhealthy comfort. When we assume that something or someone will always be in our lives, the potential to overlook their value is overwhelming. One needs to remain conscious of the fallibility in any relationship and to practice an attitude of gratitude to remedy this bad habit that leads to a divorce.
5. Lack of empathy: Dismissing or invalidating your partner’s feelings weakens the bond. Everyone responds to stimuli uniquely depending on their mindset, experiences, emotional resilience, and maturity levels. It is important to be aware of your spouse’s individuality and consider it when you are observing them experience difficulty that may not be hard for you to deal with. Think about them rather than yourself in these types of situations, and you’ll find empathy at the end of your words.
C. Financial Disputes
6. Hiding money or debt: Financial dishonesty undermines trust. Even if you don’t share similar financial habits right now, it’s never a good idea to hide your finances from each other. Transparency goes a long way in preserving trust and is vital for a long-lasting marriage.
7. Overspending or mismanagement: Conflict over financial priorities is a leading cause of divorce. Couples who live beyond their means end up in financial predicaments that cast a wide shadow of stress over their relationship. Rather than enjoying life together, their journey is overwhelmingly stressful, resulting in a breakdown of the marriage.
D. Infidelity or Betrayal
8. Emotional or physical affairs: Any form of cheating damages trust and security. Even if you believe that talking to an ex is okay because you’re not physically intimate with them, it’s still a form of cheating. As a rule of thumb, if you feel averse and afraid of sharing your behavior with someone other than your family, you probably should alter your behavior.
9. Broken promises: Consistently failing to keep commitments can feel like betrayal. The relationship we have with ourselves and others hinges on our word. The more promises you break, the more likely you are to get divorced.
E. Poor Conflict Resolution Skills
10. Yelling or blaming: Escalates tension rather than solving problems. If you are in the habit of lashing out and retaliating whenever you’re upset with your partner, stop it. It will breed resentment, distrust, and unhappiness in your marriage until there’s nothing left but anger.
11. Avoiding conflict altogether: Suppressing issues can lead to resentment. Instead, address issues with respect and a mutual understanding that you are both responsible for the well-being of your marriage.
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F. Unequal Effort
12. Imbalance in responsibilities: One partner feeling overburdened can lead to frustration. If you are in the habit of just paying bills and expecting your spouse to do everything else, it will lead to a divorce. Shared responsibilities don’t just make life easier; they equip the two of you with partnership skills that are crucial for long-term happiness.
13. Lack of support: Failing to help your partner achieve their goals or meet challenges can weaken the relationship. Support comes in the form of physical presence, emotional safety, and positive affirmations. Rather than being a voice of criticism, pessimism, or extreme realism, observe what your spouse is going through and offer words of encouragement that will soothe them.
G. Substance Abuse
14. Addictions: Alcohol, drugs, or gambling can cause financial strain, broken trust, and emotional pain. There’s little room for peace, safety, and growth when you indulge in vices. Substance abuse doesn’t just ruin your relationship directly but also bleeds into other areas of your life. The added stress of a failing career, poor health, unstable emotions, and family tension caused by drugs and alcohol will only worsen your relationship issues. Seek counsel from others and lean into prayer instead of the bottle when you are tense and stressed.
H. Growing Apart
15. Neglecting shared activities or interests: Couples may feel they have nothing in common over time if they neglect bonding over fun and joyful experiences. Couples who continue to date each other regularly tend to remain in happier and more passionate marriages.
16. Ignoring personal growth: Failing to grow together emotionally or intellectually creates a gap that will eventually broaden and deepen with time. It’s important to grow together and embrace change as a team. Those who remain attached to the past struggle to keep up with their partner, and this can lead to disconnection.
I. Disrespect
17. Belittling or mocking your partner: This erodes self-esteem and intimacy. It’s fine to be playful and jovial, but not at the expense of your spouse’s self-esteem.
18. Ignoring boundaries: Failing to respect your partner’s needs or individuality is damaging. Boundaries expressed and respected create goodwill and trust, while boundaries crossed erode the very foundation of a relationship and destroy trust. Guess what? Without stability and trust, can a relationship survive other challenges? Unlikely.
J. Lack of Physical Intimacy
19. Neglecting physical affection: Over time, the absence of touch and intimacy can make a marriage feel platonic. Regular kissing and frequent hugs are simple but effective at nurturing passion and romantic attraction. Men make the mistake of skipping gentle foreplay and physical romantic touch and jumping straight to sex. This will leave your spouse feeling unloved and overlooked.
20. Ignoring your partner’s needs: A mismatch in sexual expectations without addressing them can lead to dissatisfaction. Encouraging open dialogue and being trustworthy about sexual needs can lend a helping hand in preserving the intimacy in your marriage. Ironically, sexual deviancy often leads to the destruction of a marriage, so don’t buy into the nonsense sold by swingers and cheaters.
Preventing These Habits
- Foster open communication: Regularly discuss feelings and concerns.
- Invest time in each other: Make your partner feel valued and prioritized.
- Seek professional help: Therapy or counseling can provide tools for navigating challenges.
Building and maintaining a healthy marriage requires effort, self-awareness, and mutual respect. Identifying and addressing harmful habits early can strengthen your relationship and potentially prevent divorce.