Rebuilding attraction in a marriage can be rewarding and challenging, but it often involves nurturing connection, intimacy, and shared enjoyment. I also understand that no marriage works without the participation of both partners.
So while this article contains a long list of actions to rebuild attraction in a marriage, it hinges on the assumption that you and your spouse still love each other and are committed to making the marriage work.
As much as growth and change are instrumental in a marriage, the one element that remains unchanging is the courtship.
Couples who maintain attraction and desire in a marriage for decades tend to court, flirt, romance, and play with each other just like they did when they first met.
So if you were to take away just one idea from this article, let it be this: keep courting each other like you used to during the early days of meeting.
How To Rebuild Desire In Your Marriage
A. Focus on Self-Improvement
1. Improve Physical Health: Investing in your physical health through regular exercise and healthy eating can boost your confidence and attractiveness.
Love ought to transcend physicality, and I’m sure it does. But we are talking about attraction here, and a healthy body is generally more attractive. You don’t need the biggest biceps or the narrowest waist to look attractive!
Get that out of your head.
You simply need regular activity, healthy food, and good sleep to regain some of your physical health. By observing self-respect in motion, I think you’ll find each other physically attractive, visually, and subconsciously.
2. Nurture Mental Growth: Cultivate interests, hobbies, or personal development goals because they will challenge you to think creatively, optimistically, and with a growth mindset. Passion and self-assuredness are often attractive qualities.
Many people in the world are incredibly turned on by intelligence. Pick up a book and find something interesting to discuss with your partner.
You’d be surprised by how it cultivates closeness, which results in attraction and desire.
3. Develop Emotional Health: Managing stress and taking care of mental health helps maintain a positive outlook and resilience, making you more appealing to your spouse.
For many, humor, positivity, resilience, and compassion trigger the development of romantic feelings. The same emotions are responsible for nurturing romantic feelings, and it’s only possible with a healthy emotional state.
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Dive into your emotional health by addressing stressors, past traumas, and burnout with therapy or activities like prayer, meditation, journaling, and communication.
B. Communication with Empathy
4. Express Appreciation: Regularly acknowledge your partner’s contributions, efforts, and qualities.
Verbalizing gratitude can increase feelings of closeness and appreciation. Many couples drift apart because gratitude and grace are missing in their relationship.
It doesn’t take a lot of effort to acknowledge the contributions and efforts made by each other.
I recommend reading this article on 15 useful communication skills in a relationship.
5. Listen Actively: Show genuine interest in your partner’s thoughts and feelings. This can create a sense of being understood and valued. Avoid using your phone or being caught up in your thoughts when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
Be present, acknowledge what they are saying, and focus on how you can serve their needs.
6. Discuss Needs Openly: If attraction has faded, discuss it compassionately. Sometimes, sharing this openly can lead to joint solutions and deeper connections.
What’s worse than expressing a loss of attraction is silently losing all desire for each other and not giving the relationship a genuine chance of recovery. Offer ways in which your partner and you can rebuild attraction rather than attacking them with criticism.
A gentle and kind approach is always the way to go with a sensitive conversation like this.
C. Prioritize Intimacy (Beyond the Physical)
7. Practice Emotional Intimacy: Share vulnerabilities, dreams, and worries. Building a deeper emotional connection can revive intimacy and attraction.
It takes courage, openness, and safety to open up, even to people we love dearly.
Spend a great deal of time trying to connect on an emotional basis without the fear of judgment, and you’ll regain a lot of attraction for each other.
8. Spend Quality Time With Each Other: Spend undistracted time together, perhaps revisiting activities you once enjoyed or trying new experiences.
It’s not good enough to be in a marriage of convenience or responsibilities. Date night and time away from other people or kids are crucial for a married couple.
It’s an opportunity to dial into each other with love, passion, and excitement.
9. Improve Physical Intimacy: Physical closeness without expectations of sex, such as cuddling or handholding, can rekindle connection and comfort. I notice that many men start treating sex like a transaction.
They want to skip the romance and the foreplay, but that’s what makes sex so beautiful and passionate, which is probably why their wives lose a great deal of attraction for them.
Don’t undervalue and undermine the impact of a gentle caress, an embrace, or a romantic kiss.
They may be easily accessible, but they should never lose their value in a marriage.
D. Surprise and Novelty
10. Prioritize Date Nights: Plan unique dates or unexpected outings, exploring new places, foods, or activities to break routine and reintroduce excitement.
Step out of your comfort zone from time to time and be open to having fun with each other.
Date nights should be a time for a married couple to focus on romance and humor, not on disagreements or misunderstandings about the kids, family, work, or financial issues.
11. Focus On Small Gestures: Simple gestures like notes, unexpected calls, or thoughtful actions can make a big difference in keeping the connection alive
12. Make Personal Changes: Changing up your look, style, or habits can surprise your partner and bring a renewed sense of curiosity and attraction.
I get it. Routines and habits are wonderful, but change them according to your preferences to keep some excitement in your marriage. Your partner will enjoy exploring subtle nuances about you, so don’t give up on your individuality.
E. Address Underlying Issues Together
13. Identify Patterns And Fix Them: If there are recurring issues, consider seeking a counselor or therapist to help address any emotional or relational challenges.
Avoid sweeping issues under the rug and also be graceful about small issues.
It’s usually an accumulation of small problems that leads to massive disconnection and a loss in attraction. Fix the small stuff, but don’t hold your partner hostage for their shortcomings.
14. Be Respectful And Empathetic: Working together respectfully can help each partner feel valued, safe, and loved, which naturally enhances attraction.
Empathy requires you to consider how the other person feels and respect those feelings by not being dismissive.
15. Set Goals Together: Mutual life or relationship goals can bring a sense of teamwork and partnership, which strengthens bonds.
Couples who set goals together tend to align and gravitate towards each other more.
In saying that, growth and ambition are incredibly sexy, so why not indulge in that as a team?
F. Rediscover Friendship and Fun
16. Laugh Together: Humor can work wonders in rebuilding connection and lightheartedness. It’s okay to be silly and playful with your partner.
It might be a great way of growing closer because it shows that you are not too high-strung or hung up on being viewed a particular way.
17. Share Activities: Whether it’s a hobby or a project, doing something fun together can bring back a sense of adventure and closeness.
I know that we yearn to escape our responsibilities and problems with screens, but consider finding that escape with your partner instead.
18. Celebrate Each Other: Celebrate small and big moments in each other’s lives. Reaffirming your partner’s worth can be magnetic. Don’t be lazy and overlook relationship milestones.
Gift each other, go out of your way to spoil each other, and just be proud of the couple that you are.
Over time, these steps can help reintroduce warmth, respect, and attraction. It takes time and effort, but a couple who are committed to honoring their vows have the best chance of rebuilding attraction with these suggestions!