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15 Useful Communication Skills in Relationships

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communication skills for relationships

Communication skills are essential in relationships because they help partners connect, understand each other, and navigate conflicts. Strong communication allows individuals to express their needs, build trust, and foster emotional intimacy. 

Good communication skills are imperative for a relationship to thrive after years of challenges, growth, and changes. Furthermore, the skills mentioned below are useful in all sorts of relationships by making you more likable, influential, and considerate.

Communication skills will greatly benefit you and the people in your life, and I commend you for having a growth mindset and reading this article.

Here are some key communication skills that can enhance any relationship.

The Best Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships

15 Useful Communication Skills in Relationships

1. Active Listening

Active listening is about fully concentrating, understanding, and responding thoughtfully. This means setting aside distractions, making eye contact, and occasionally paraphrasing or asking clarifying questions. Further to that, active listening requires a mindset shift away from reacting to understanding. 

Example: Instead of interrupting or planning your response while the other person speaks, listen intently and respond based on what was said. Also, listen to understand rather than to counter.

2. Empathy and Validation

Empathy is understanding and sharing another person’s feelings, while validation shows acceptance of their perspective. It doesn’t necessitate agreeing with the other person but it’s an exercise of compassion and validation of their feelings.

Example: “I understand why you feel hurt. That must have been difficult for you.”

3. Expressing Feelings Clearly

Use “I” statements to express emotions and needs without placing blame. This encourages open, non-defensive communication. Use “we” statements to encourage change or to bring attention to constructive criticism without making your partner feel attacked.

Example: “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you all day because I worry something might have happened. We need to prioritize regular check-ins with each other.”

4. Non-Verbal Communication

Body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions are as important as words. Being mindful of these non-verbal cues can help avoid misunderstandings and convey sincerity.

I used to think that I had a great poker face until I saw a reflection of myself during an uncomfortable conversation with someone. It dawned on me that I was loudly wearing criticism, annoyance, and frustration on my face.

Example: Nodding, maintaining an open posture, or leaning in to show interest. Practice holding a compassionate smile or a gentle face when having a difficult conversation. 

5. Respect and Open-Mindedness

It is key to be willing to respect differences in opinions and views, even when disagreeing. This involves avoiding criticism and contempt, leading to defensiveness and resentment.

If you focus your attention on finding common ground with your partner, you’ll find it much easier to communicate through difficult situations.

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Example: Acknowledging the other person’s view by saying, “I see your point, and I appreciate that you shared it with me.”

6. Conflict Resolution Skills

Approaching conflicts with a calm demeanor and a problem-solving mindset is critical. Couples who work together to resolve issues rather than blaming each other tend to have more satisfying relationships.

Personally, the ability to de-escalate, empathize, select appropriate wording, and remain stoic are what I deem to be the most effective conflict resolution skills.

Example: “Let’s figure out a solution together. What do you think would help both of us feel better about this?”

7. Setting Aside Time for Important Conversations

Discussing significant issues without distraction, stress, or time constraints can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that each partner feels heard.

Couples who prioritize these types of conversations appear to be happier and more in harmony with each other.

More importantly, they navigate distance and disconnection with grace and teamwork, which prevents long-lasting damage to their connection.

Use a “Soft Startup” in Difficult Conversations

Begin sensitive conversations gently and positively, focusing on how you feel rather than immediately pointing out a partner’s flaws or mistakes. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, soft startups are crucial for reducing defensiveness.

Soft startups that present a solution rather than fixating on the cause of the issue are also received more positively.

Example: “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately and would love to talk about ways we can spend more time together.”

9. Establish Boundaries and Respect Them

Boundaries help partners feel safe and respected in a relationship. Setting boundaries can also help prevent issues from escalating and maintain mutual respect.

I’ve written about how to love with boundaries in a relationship and if you battle with insecurity or low self-esteem, it’s the perfect read for you.

Example: Letting each other know when alone time is needed to recharge, or setting boundaries around discussing sensitive topics in certain settings (like around family or in public).

10. Practice the “5-to-1 Ratio” of Positive to Negative Interactions

Dr. Gottman’s research found that couples with a ratio of at least 5 positive interactions to every negative one tend to have happier, more stable relationships.

I also remember watching a segment on Oprah after school and one of the doctors mentioned how the brain chemistry changes when you complain. So, the more you complain, the more reasons you will find to complain.

Example: For every criticism or complaint, make sure to offer at least five positive comments or gestures of affection, like compliments or expressions of gratitude.

11. Check In Regularly with Each Other

Regular check-ins, even just a quick “How are you feeling about us?” or “Anything on your mind?” can encourage openness and prevent issues from festering.

At least a couple of times per year, find out from your partner what can be worked on to make the relationship serve him/her more. Then, be willing to share the same and work on things together.

Example: Monthly conversations focused on your relationship can be a time to discuss any lingering issues, share appreciation, and talk about upcoming goals or plans together.

12. Focus on Solutions, Not Just Problems

When discussing an issue, try to transition the conversation from the problem to potential solutions. This shift from blaming or venting to solving fosters teamwork.

A problem-solving mindset often hinders the development of resentment in a relationship.

Example: Instead of saying, “You never help with chores,” try, “What can we do to make sure chores are split more evenly?”

13. Give Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt

Sometimes misunderstandings arise because we assume a negative intent behind a partner’s words or actions. Approaching with curiosity rather than assumption helps clarify and resolve issues faster.

It’s so weird how we are willing to be super gracious and understanding to strangers or acquaintances but are short-tempered and petty with our loved ones.

Shouldn’t we try to exercise a greater degree of care and consideration for our loved ones instead?

Example: “When you said you didn’t want to go out, I felt a bit disappointed. Could you tell me more about how you’re feeling?”

14. Practice Self-Reflection and Self-Accountability

Before bringing up an issue, reflect on your own contribution and be ready to take accountability for it. Self-reflection fosters humility, and owning one’s mistakes is a powerful way to encourage open dialogue.

Also, people are more inclined to follow your lead when you clearly demonstrate vulnerability and accountability.

Example: “I realize I might have overreacted earlier. I’m sorry, and I’d like to try that conversation again.”

15. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood

Humor can be a great way to de-escalate tense situations, as long as it’s used respectfully and not to minimize serious issues. A little laughter can ease stress and create a shared sense of connection.

Love is nurtured with laughter, while resentment is cultivated with criticism and bickering.

Example: If a discussion is getting tense, saying something playful like, “Wow, we’re winning at the ‘who’s more stubborn’ competition!” can help lighten the mood.

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