12 Reasons Why Your Ex Keeps Texting You


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You’re trying to move on from a breakup but every time you make some progress, your ex keeps texting you. Sometimes, they talk about mundane things, other times, they bring up the relationship or the breakup.

Now, you’re frustrated and struggling to pinpoint the exact reason why my ex keeps texting me.

Let’s take a quick look at the 12 reasons why your ex keeps texting you.

  1. Your ex is still in love with you.
  2. They’re trying to get you back.
  3. Your ex is lonely and missing you.
  4. They want to be friends.
  5. They can’t accept the breakup.
  6. Your ex is bored.
  7. Your ex is trying to irritate you.
  8. Your ex is looking for drama.
  9. They want to hookup.
  10. They feel guilty or ashamed.
  11. They’re rebounding.
  12. They’re checking up on you.

Okay, now that you have a rough idea of why, let’s discuss each of these reasons in more detail so that you can decide how to deal with this situation properly.

Related post: Is it rude not to reply to a text message?

1. Your ex is still in love with you

It’s not uncommon for an ex who was dumped to hold onto their feelings much longer than the one who ended the relationship.

Because your ex is still in love with you, they will keep texting you as a means of holding onto the connection.

This is a result of being attached to you.

Their inability to let go of those feelings often makes them feel nostalgic and sad.

Love is an influential emotion. It motivates people to take action.

As such, your ex keeps texting you because it feels like the only action available to them as a means of expressing that love. 

2. They’re trying to get you back

In this case, regardless of who ended the relationship, if your ex keeps texting you after the breakup, they’re trying to get you back.

This is further perpetuated by texts that are similar in nature to the texts you received from them during the duration of your relationship.

These texts will be very open, personal, emotional, flirty or romantic.

Sometimes, your ex will try to act quirky despite you knowing very well how they actually feel. 

They bring up the past quite often and they try to always navigate the conversation towards how good you were together.

When I was going through a breakup many years ago, I feel like this is something I did during the very early weeks of our split.

I want to get back with my ex and so I kept texting her.

Even when talking about moving on and dating other people, I still texted her to get back with her. 

3. Your ex is lonely and missing you

Sometimes, your ex may not want to get back with you nor are they still in love but they still care. 

But this care is sort of selfish in nature.

What you’ll find is that they keep texting you during those lonely hours of the night or when they are sad.

This also occurs when their love life is lacking and they haven’t met someone better than you. 

During those lonely and sad moments, their mind will take them back to the last time they felt connected to someone.

Since you’re an ex, they’ll think about you and this will encourage them to reach out.

Most of the time, they’re just looking for some comfort.

The comfort isn’t just in talking to you. It’s in knowing that they have an option if things just don’t work out in their love life. 

Related post: 12 telltale signs someone is missing you

4. They want to be friends

After a breakup, it’s difficult to break all ties with someone you spent a significant amount of time with. The connection and attachment you feel towards each other don’t disappear overnight.

The idea of completely cutting each other off is scary and so people try to be friends with each other. 

The problem is that being friends with an ex after a breakup is emotional torture.

You need time and space to break free from the romantic attachment shared between you both.

The dumper will try to be friends as a means of moving on with more ease given that you’re still an entity in their life.

This is more of a tool for comfort rather than a desire to actually stay in your life. 

The dumpee will try to be friends as a means of rebuilding the attraction and romance.

They fear the idea of being alone or letting their loved one get away. 

Depending on which category your ex falls into, they’re probably texting you to find comfort and ease when moving on through friendship or as a long and poor approach to stay in your life in hopes of one day changing your mind. 

5. They can’t accept the breakup

Many years ago, when one of my relationships ended, I was completely taken aback.

It surprised me because I was very inexperienced at the time and relatively wet behind the ears when it came to analyzing relationship problems. 

For at least a few solid weeks, I would keep texting my ex because I just couldn’t accept the breakup,

I constantly needed to rehash things.

My desire to find some form of answer or reasoning that was acceptable for the breakup made me text my ex far too often.

This is something the dumpee tends to experience.

They are usually caught off guard by the breakup and then struggle to piece together events in a way that explains where things went wrong. 

So, in an attempt to find some solace and understanding, they keep texting you hoping that they’ll find what they’re looking for. 

6. Your ex is bored

Boredom, as mundane and uneventful as it sounds, can influence some of the most ridiculous and stupid decisions a person makes. 

This rings true for me. 

I’ve come to realize that an idle mind is the devil’s playground.

An ex who has a poor love life and isn’t pursuing any goals or dreams would find enjoyment in reaching out to an ex.

It’s the only unpredictable thrill that offers some excitement in their life. 

Related post: Is it immature to ignore your ex?

7. Your ex is trying to irritate you

Just because you dated someone doesn’t mean that they want the best for you now.

An ex who is bitter or jealous of your moving on after the split may contact you under the pretense of wanting to stay in touch.

However, instead of being friendly or positive, they’ll take subtle jabs at you and constantly irritate you.

They’re not looking for anything meaningful.

They’re possibly also bored and just looking for some entertainment. 

8. Your ex is looking for drama

I’ve seen this before with toxic ex-partners. They don’t just want to keep in contact.

Instead, they want to cause problems for you or involve you in drama that is unnecessary.

What you’ll find is that they start involving you in toxic encounters with mutual friends, they get you to open up only to gossip about you and so forth.

They may bring up the past with the intention of guilt tripping you or throwing shade at you for mistakes. 

9. They want to hookup

As unhealthy as this may be, couples with an intimate history are prone to engaging in sex or intimacy after breaking up. 

What you’ll find is that your ex may text you at random hours of the night, especially after midnight. 

If you act on it, you’ll notice that they stop chatting relatively soon after that until they want to get in contact with you again for a hookup. 

10. They feel guilty or ashamed

When the reason for breaking up was because of your ex, they may keep texting you until they feel like they have made amends.

This is especially true when your ex actually has a conscience and made a mistake.

Even if you don’t hate them and choose to walk away from the relationship without a toxic breakup, they’ll keep texting you for forgiveness. 

What they don’t realize is that the forgiveness they’re searching for is something that will have to be earned from within themselves.

Often, when someone causes a breakup, they don’t just let their partner down but they also let themselves down.

It’s a long process to heal afterwards but this could be one of the ways in which your ex is trying to make up for their past mistakes. 

11. They’re rebounding

Isn’t it weird when an ex from years ago randomly pops up in your DM’s and won’t stop texting you?

Then, out of nowhere, they drift away back into the abyss from which they arose before returning again a few months later.

They have all sorts of reasons and excuses for why they thought about you but more often than not, it’s because they’re rebounding from a breakup or rejection.

Rebounders are known for running to a source of comfort, love and familiarity after a breakup as a means to remedying their emotional trauma. 

If you suspect that your ex keeps texting you because they’re rebounding, they probably are. 

12. They’re checking up on you

When you spend a substantial amount of time with someone, it’s only natural to form a bond with them that stands the test of time.

Yes, you may stop being in love with them and move on but that doesn’t mean you can erase the memories nor can you completely stop thinking about them.

They’ll pop into your mind from time to time.

This will drastically reduce the longer you are apart until they become a ghost from your past.

However, an ex who still has a certain level of attachment to you may keep texting you.

They may not want anything from you at all other than to know what you’re doing.

A recent ex will possibly keep texting you to find out if you’ve moved on.

Either, they still care about you or they’re feeling crappy about their love life and don’t want to feel alone in their disappointment.

It’s not because they don’t want you to be happy, it’s because they don’t want to feel like they’re left alone in disappointment and uncertainty. 

Related post: Should I block my ex on social media?

In conclusion

It’s quite evident that most of the reasons why your ex keeps texting you stem from unresolved feelings for you and the relationship you once shared with each other.

Understandably, you may not want to be rude and ask him or her to stop texting you.

So, you could opt for a slow fade by gradually stopping all your texts to them altogether.

Alternatively, you could respectfully ask them for some space because you need to focus on yourself.

The choice is yours and I’m quite certain that you’ll find the right answer for your situation.

What I will caution you against is entertaining your ex’s text messages if it causes problems in your life.

You may have to take a firm stand towards them and that’s okay because your well-being and happiness matter.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on the reasons why your ex keeps texting you to be informative and eye-opening. Feel free to leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.

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