Fixing a toxic relationship is challenging but possible if both partners are committed to change. To be fair, what makes a relationship toxic is the behavior of the individuals within such a relationship. If they’re willing to adjust their behavior, beliefs, and habits, chances are that they will overcome most hurdles and obstacles in their journey.
In saying that, I want to emphasize that you cannot change someone. Unless they are a willing participant, you have to accept that regardless of what you try, it may not be enough to save the relationship.
Like a sweet dance, it takes two to tango. Here are some essential tips to help improve a toxic relationship!
10 Ways To Fix A Toxic Relationship
1. Identify the Toxic Behaviors
Recognize the specific behaviors that are harming the relationship (e.g., constant criticism, control, lack of trust, manipulation). Acknowledging the problem is the first step toward addressing it.
A great way to identify toxic behaviors is by unpacking and examining words, actions, and misunderstandings leading up to an argument, fight, or disagreement.
If you’re an introspective person, reflect on negative feelings and pinpoint why you feel that way.
These are all keys to figuring out what’s wrong in the relationship, along with ways to fix it.
2. Open and Honest Communication
Create a safe space to discuss issues without judgment or blame. Focus on “I” statements to express feelings rather than accusing the other person (e.g., “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”).
Choose a time and location that is conducive to a good conversation.
If you can tell that your partner is in a bad space or that they are in a defensive state, it might be a good idea to put a pin in it and choose a different time to have this sort of conversation.
Oftentimes, when emotions simmer down, people become more receptive to reconciling, changing, or accepting suggestions on how to improve their behavior.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries regarding what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship. Respect each other’s personal space and individual needs. Boundaries help prevent emotional exhaustion and maintain respect.
I believe that your relationship doesn’t have to be toxic if you both have strong, healthy boundaries.
Boundaries should be respected and enforced by drawing attention to them and then choosing to enforce them when they are repeatedly violated.
The greatest boundary one can have is to not be disrespected. If you are disrespected in a significant manner, the possibility of walking away should be entertained. If that doesn’t elicit change in a toxic relationship, I don’t know what will.
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4. Take Responsibility
Both partners need to take accountability for their actions. Owning mistakes and making a sincere effort to change behavior is crucial in healing the relationship.
Sometimes, the greatest way to be a leader in a relationship is by volunteering to do difficult things.
If you can display what accountability looks like in a relationship, your partner may be motivated to do the same.
5. Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, toxic patterns are deeply ingrained, and professional guidance from a therapist or counselor can be invaluable. Couples therapy can help you both understand each other’s needs and perspectives more deeply.
You’d be surprised by how many poor habits and behaviors in a relationship can be traced back to childhood trauma or exposure to unhealthy parenting.
In these cases, it is always useful to have the guidance of a professional.
6. Rebuild Trust
Trust is often broken in toxic relationships. Rebuilding it takes time and consistent effort. This means being reliable, honest, and transparent in your actions.
If trust has been severed, like in the case of infidelity, it often incinerates trust, and that has to be resolved slowly and gradually.
More importantly, the relationship itself has to begin afresh because what you once had is gone.
It can be done, but it will take time, consistency, and compassion on both sides. Even the aggrieved party has to be willing to make this effort because that’s just the nature of a romantic relationship.
If even one party chooses to disengage, the entire relationship can fall apart.
7. Practice Forgiveness and Patience
Letting go of past hurts and moving forward is essential. This involves forgiving each other and being patient as both partners work to improve. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating repeated harmful behaviors.
Forgiveness doesn’t begrudge, nor does it hold past mistakes over another.
I wish that more couples would try to be more forgiving about small issues. One of the many reasons why couples divorce is because of bickering and frequent disagreements.
If you or your partner argue or fight about every little issue, eventually, apologies lose their value and resentment manifests.
8. Work on Personal Growth
Often, toxic behavior stems from personal insecurities or unresolved issues. Both partners should focus on self-improvement—whether through self-reflection, therapy, or developing better coping-mechanisms.
To be honest, one of the most impactful habits on my personal growth has been prayer.
Having open, honest, and vulnerable conversations with God has forced me to reflect on who I am, how I show up in all my relationships, and the flaws in my character.
If you can both practice this as a couple while tapping into spirituality as individuals, I’m quite certain that you can fix a toxic relationship.
9. Commit to Positive Changes
Small changes in daily interactions can have a significant impact over time. Be mindful of how you speak, act, and react. Celebrate progress, no matter how small.
Among the happiest couples is the habit of appreciation and gratefulness.
If you can count the blessings of your relationship and choose not to take each other for granted, both of you may be more inclined to abandon toxic habits, behaviors, and beliefs.
Also, bear in mind that one of the best ways to encourage change is through the recognition of positive action.
10. Evaluate the Future of the Relationship
Sometimes, despite best efforts, the relationship might not improve, and staying in it could be damaging. If the toxicity is persistent and there’s no mutual effort to change, it might be healthier to part ways.
While talking about the future, I would be foolish not to mention the importance of couple-goals.
When two people align over goals and values, they tend to treat each other with more respect, adoration, compassion, and support.
Spend time coming up with a few goals as a couple and make an effort to realize some of them. In doing so, you may just discover a greater appreciation of each other that manifests in a less toxic relationship.