10 Most Common Reasons For Divorce Based On Statistics

As someone with immense anxiety for the future and a chronic need to over-plan, I can’t help but spend a big chunk of my time trying to avoid failure in different areas of my life. I understand that the healthiest way to build a lasting marriage is to focus on the habits and rituals practiced by couples in successful marriages.

However, I still believe that awareness of the challenges faced by failed marriages could shed some light on what we should avoid or remedy before it’s too late.

This is what inspired me—dreadfully—to gather statistically backed reasons for the most common reasons for divorce.

Let’s examine, shall we?

The Top Reasons For Divorce

1. Lack of Commitment

Commitment pertains to more than just sexual exclusivity. In actuality, commitment refers to a willingness and dedication to serve the needs and responsibilities of the relationship. In simple terms, honoring marriage vows even when things are difficult.

• Statistics: A study by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that lack of commitment is the most commonly cited reason for divorce. Around 75% of divorced individuals in the study said that lack of commitment was a significant cause of their breakup.

2. Infidelity (Extramarital Affairs)

We can make all the arguments in the world for why men are not monogamous or why women are supposedly hypergamous but the truth of the matter is that infidelity or betrayal leads to the breakdown of most relationships in this day and age. It is a violation of trust, respect, and honor. This is not really about couples who accept polygamy in terms of marriage. We can make room in our minds for cultural and religious beliefs but what we are referring to is the underhanded and deceitful violation of commitment and exclusivity, either physically or emotionally.

• Statistics: According to a study by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, infidelity is a factor in about 15-20% of divorces in the U.S.
• In the study by the NIH, about 60% of respondents indicated that infidelity contributed to the end of their marriage.

3. Conflict and Arguing

Love thrives in an environment of peace, joy, and laughter. There’s always room for conflict and it’s a natural part of life. Good conflict resolution skills can even strengthen the bond shared between a married couple. But boundaryless and frequent conflict and arguing will eventually lead to the degradation of a marriage. It breeds resentment, annoyance, and anger, which are not conducive to love.

• Statistics: About 56% of divorced couples cite conflict and arguing as a primary factor for divorce in the NIH study. Frequent, unresolved conflicts can erode a relationship over time.

4. Financial Problems

I grew up in a home with a lot of financial problems and let me tell you, it was one of the main causes of conflict. Not sharing the same financial goals or values can be detrimental to a household and couples who are not committed to being compassionate and communicative about their financial needs and expectations are at a severe disadvantage to couples who are.

• Statistics: Financial stress and disagreements about money are among the top reasons for divorce, with around 40–50% of couples attributing their divorce to financial issues, according to various surveys, including a report by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts.

5. Marrying Too Young

I don’t think it is inherently problematic to get married in your early 20s. Some could make the argument that it gives a couple a better chance of developing shared values and habits. However, a lack of maturity and preparedness can easily lead to a toxic marriage or early divorce.

• Statistics: Marriages involving individuals under the age of 25 have a much higher divorce rate, with the NIH study finding that 46% of couples who married young cited this as a reason for divorce.

6. Substance Abuse

Is there a situation where substance abuse has a positive effect on relationships and life in general? I don’t believe so and to be honest, I’ve seen substance usage (not even abuse) destroy families. This is one of the reasons why I abstain from all substances because of the risk associated with them.

• Statistics: Substance abuse or addiction issues (e.g., alcohol or drug addiction) account for about 25-30% of divorces in the U.S., according to the NIH study. Addiction often leads to a breakdown of trust, financial strain, and emotional distress.

7. Domestic Violence

Violence of any kind has no place in a household. A marriage should be a haven for a couple. The second you involve violence in it, the sanctity of your marriage is violated, and trust is tarnished. It’s also important to note that domestic violence doesn’t just affect the abused partner but other family members as well, especially children.

• Statistics: The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) reports that 25% of women and 10% of men have experienced intimate partner violence, which often leads to the dissolution of marriages.

8. Lack of Equality in the Relationship

Two parties to a relationship may inhabit different roles and responsibilities in the relationship but that doesn’t diminish the value of them in any way. But for example, when the breadwinner asserts more importance to their role over the homemaker, that becomes a major problem within the relationship. At the same time, when one partner shoulders all the responsibilities in the marriage and makes all the effort, this disparity leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, resentment, and loneliness.

• Statistics: The feeling of unequal responsibilities or roles in the marriage is a significant cause of divorce. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 44% of divorced women said inequality in marriage was a major contributing factor.

9. Incompatibility

Shared values, compatible communication styles, mutual goals or expectations, and sexual polarity all play a vital role in the longevity of marriages. When incompatibilities pile up with all of these, it may feel like climbing a mountain to make the relationship work. Please check out this article for a list of questions to ask before getting married.

• Statistics: Emotional, intellectual, or lifestyle incompatibility is often cited as a reason for divorce, and according to the NIH study, 45% of divorced couples reported incompatibility as a key factor.

10. Unrealistic Expectations

I’m sure all of us have the best of intentions and want to be as humble as possible but it’s human nature to have expectations or to desire better things. Granted, there’s a great deal of value in being grounded and in avoiding shiny object syndrome. But sometimes it’s unavoidable and our expectations for what married life will be aren’t met. Alternatively, we get trapped in a cycle of comparison and end up dissatisfied in our lives.

• Statistics: Unrealistic or unmet expectations in marriage are linked to about 40-50% of divorces. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and disillusionment, which may strain the relationship.